i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
