I just saw a hot homeless man
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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