so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
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your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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