I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
