Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
