Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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