i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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