he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
