youre lurking in front of me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
