I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
