Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
