Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
