When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
