Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
