i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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