Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
