somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Buhtt sex?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
