I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
