so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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