The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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