i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
