oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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