what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have feelings that need drinking.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
