I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
