Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
