Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
