I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Text me some of your sweat
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
