i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
