my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
