just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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