Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
