I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
