Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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