He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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