I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
