No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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