I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
