How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
