I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
