the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
