BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
