In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
