I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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