I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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