I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
