Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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