im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
