Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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