just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
