true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you had me at cake vodka
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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