Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
