just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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