Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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