yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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