We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
