I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
