If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
