Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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