I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
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I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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