We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
