K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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