the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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