i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
