I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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