Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
