What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
