May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
