end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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