do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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