I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
