she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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