guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
