3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
