So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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