dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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