i don't like sucking hair
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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