dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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