I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
