okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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