I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
