Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
