At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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