I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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