Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
