And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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